4 years ago today the beginning of the end began – That was
me, Ashley, that they were trying to get out of that car.
When I woke up that morning on March 13, 2009, my intention
was not what is pictured above. I never thought this would happen. With a
mixture of alcohol, amphetamines and benzodiazepines, I bounced from bar to
bar. In a blacked out state, I left one bar and proceeded to drive home. I did
not make it. The other car involved contained 3 passengers all of whom made it
out alive. I wonder often how they are.
All of you who helped save my life that day, I am forever
grateful. I would love to name you all, yet I know not who some of you are.
Those that I do know, may you too, know my gratitude. I woke today with a peace
of a different kind. Sober. In tune to my wreckage and also with the changes
that have taken place along the way. I would love to say that I had my last
drink on this day, but I did not. This event merely opened my eyes and allowed
me to see, to realize and begin to face the path that I am now on.
No matter how hard I tried not to drink and drive, I would.
So many people told me to not to and to drink responsibly. I just couldn’t and
I know today that I cannot. I shutter as I type these words, for it is still
painful and will probably always be….
Today is a new day, March 13, 2013 – In reflection and
awe….and confidence I can say to you, that I am an alcoholic who has not had a
drink since June 7, 2009.
If you are trying not to pick up that drink today, you don’t
have to – there is another way!